Kannagi

I have always been intrigued by Kannagi, the epitome of womanhood, endurance, patience, faith, power. I have preferred to stare in awe and wonder at the idol of Kodungallur bhagavathy, the Pratishta of Kannagi, than to bow down in veneration. The image of Kannagi haunts me… She visits me every now and then… through stories, images, books, temples, rituals, dance….She keeps reminding me that I am one of her tribe…”Am I?”, I wonder!

On this day, when my inbox, mails, and newspapers are filled with glorified stories on women and their achievements, when women find a reason to applaud themselves and the leaps and great strides of their peers…,Let me tell you the story of Kannagi! Not the Kannagi of the Tamil epic Shilappadikaram, or the Bhagavathy for Cheranadu, or the Kannagi who burnt down Pandya desam….! This is the story of Kannagi, who inspires me every day, who brings a smile on my face, who cleans and cuts, and dries and folds for me, who brightens up my day!

I have never seen her cry, complain or brood. One day she came with a swollen face, but her smile was still on. When I asked her what happened to her face, she said, “My husband came drunk and hit me”. I couldn’t believe she was still smiling as she said, “All this is nothing akka!, its over…I have to work.. it gives me peace of mind and I am happy!”

The other day, she came late for work, still with her smile on… “Sorry Akka! My tenth standard daughter has failed. I had to go to her school. She has got herself into some affair with a boy in the neighbourhood. She wants to quit schooling and get married. What can I do? I hoped she would study well, and do a decent job.”

I wondered how she kept smiling inspite of all these problems. The next day I enquired about her situation at home, and she said still smiling, “I am telling myself not to worry. Every problem will have a solution. And I am waiting for mine.’  Having said this she resumed her daily chores with enthusiasm.

During those times when I have my face in books, and when my mind yearns for a dose of caffeine, she comes...”Akka, have this coffee...”

During those times, when I have to leave my family behind , she says,”Akka , I am there, don’t worry!...”

She is a mother, sister, friend, caretaker…

I have never seen anyone loving her job the way she does, nor have I seen a more sincere, open, down to earth person, a loving human being…! She might not be known to the world… but she is an achiever, a leader, a mother,... who stands up each time she falters with a smile of faith , hope and dreams…! To this spirit I salute…!

There She was : my Goddess!

There she was, my Goddess… She came without a knock

She scanned me with her intense glance, I shuddered… a pleasant shock

With those kindly eyes she spoke: Not words, but vibes of love…

A gentle touch:  She held on… A BLESSING! She did endow

She sat amidst the swelling crowd… still holding on to me…

Still gazing in my empty eyes, she gave it life and glee…

Before I knew they all had come, all without a clout…

Some faces, I knew: Some, far in time, All came in without a doubt.

With them came a sound... a sound of music soft…

It wafted into space and time… I sat there almost lost!

“What was this?” I probed, “Was this my inner song?”

“Who are they?” I delved, “Are they those souls, lost long?”

I knew not what it was; I knew not who they were…

I only knew her, My Goddess!  Her look, her touch, so real, so sure!

Then a bugle went on... my hand knew to snooze it off…

SHE WAS GONE… , the crowd, the song too… for me they didn’t stop.

It was dark outside, and in the room, But I did find my way!

For HER gentle touch, HER tender glance … Will not let me astray!

She was my Goddess, My Lotus!  She glided in that stream….

She held me close with her loving hug! Though it was in my Dream….

A Day to remember!

My mind has refused to grow up beyond my college years. Chronologically, though my age graph was rising, psychologically it was static. My body gave gentle reminders, now and then that the only permanent factor in life was change.  A few twists and turns in my life also nudged me to grow up.

My phone rang …….

“Hey! Would you mind being our chief guest for Arts club inauguration in our college?” It was a family friend P.

“ME? Why me? Didn’t you find anyone else?”  This news, in fact amused me.

“What will I have to do?” I asked

“Just light the lamp and wish them luck!” P was cool.

“Ok!” I said as I was unaware of the real situation.

Things were quite different when I landed at the college grounds. The function was in the open air gallery and there were around 1000 carefree souls, hooting, dancing, howling, whistling and greeting me. My heart missed a beat. Where was I? This isn’t going to be easy…! .

As I was sitting on the dais along with the Principal, professors and union members of the college, I tried to mentally write my speech in my head. One professor gently whispered, “Could you speak in Malayalam?” “Sure”, I smiled hiding my apprehension.

The next moment I was standing in front of the microphone, trying to translate my thoughts in Malayalam. Though I could speak the language, I was not confident in using the right words. My multi-lingual existence had left me speechless during such occasions when I needed to do justice to one language. I started my extempore in Malayalam… “ Malayalam is not my mother tongue ….” I said this in Malayalam and was received with applause from the students.  I told them how this moment takes me back to my college days… and the activities like these fill our memory banks than the time spent in the class rooms.. (loud applause again)… I knew I had caught them right.. I told them about my confused existence in my growing up years, about not having a clear goal and not knowing where my future lies( applause again)… When I asked them whether there are any poor souls among them like me I got the whole lot of them raising their hands… I knew they were listening and that I had scored.

They wanted me to perform and I enjoyed performing for these students who were rapt with attention than for any elite, knowledgeable group of artistes. I could clearly experience the vibes, the positive energy.. And I once again experienced the power of tradition, power of culture, power of art.

They were eager to listen to the rhythms of our soil… each one holding the rhythm in their palms as I explained them about the connection between the heart beat and the rhythms in dance. Most of them were not initiated into any art form, they had not even seen classical performances … but they were ready to listen, see and understand… By the end of the talk and performance, the ovation I received was indeed a moment to treasure.  A moment I wanted to revisit, so that I am empowered and inspired.

The transformation in the audience at the end of the lecture was a proof that spoke volumes about the positive impact of art. For a moment I felt blessed to be an artiste, to be an instrument in the hands of the Divine.

Even though I had stepped out of my college days as a confused soul, with blurred vision about my future…, as I stepped out of the stage that day, I knew I had a purpose, and that it unfolds at various stages of my life… I only needed to recognize and accept to experience it!

As I Stare...

As I stare…

“Who are you?” I ask myself, glaring at the mirror on the wall

“Who are you?” I ask myself, combing my hair, letting it fall…

Searching those eyes, I line them black

Probing that face, I deck with MAC

My cell phone blinks, it’s time to go

Gazing , waving , she stares back…

As I stride…

Down the corridor,  in the lane,  on the street…

Some give a passing glance,  some stare,  some smile…

Carefully careless,  amazingly aware less,  mindfully mind less...

She walks by…

As I sit…

Amidst the throng, among the horde, in the crowd…

Greeting, pleasing, exchanging…

I pause awhile, to meet myself…

She smiles, engaging!

As I stand…

To express, to deliver, to translate…

Thoughts, words, deeds drift by…

I am just a channel I realize…

Tune in… and she flows by!

My Life's Song

I’ve embarked on a voyage
My quest, my life’s song …
With a heart of gold: with fear untold
With a face of a warrior, strong!

I pledge to cross the ocean
Not to look back, once I’m on
Undeterred, Engaged and Focused,
For this is where I belong!

The vastness above, the depth below
Luring, Inviting, Exciting!
“I’m inspired already”, I say,
For this, I was waiting!

As time flies and mysteries untie
Oh! Hurdles, unsurpassing,
I look around; I look beyond…
“Am I lost?” I keep asking

I stand alone, amidst the Blue
My journey incomplete
My vision blurred, my mind disturbed,
With innumerable doubts, replete

“Was this my quest?” I dare to ask,
“Was this my Life‘s song?
I close my eyes and ask myself,
“Is this where I belong?”

No pats, hugs or thumbs ups,
No futile hopes to cling on…
A void from within, tells me….
“Don’t give up, Move on!”

Not knowing where I go…
My quest is once more on
With conquered fear, and restored faith,
No regrets of days bygone!

Today was yesterday’s future,
To this future let me belong,
I’ve embarked on a voyage,
My quest, my life’s song

Mother to a Friend...

Kids will be at home for nine days now ! How to keep them occupied ...? How to channelize their energy in the right direction so that they do not end up glued to the idiot box and by the end of the day are drained of all their positive thinking faculties?...

The only way was to transform myself- keep aside the role of a mother ... be a child again ...and that was exactly what I did this Navaratri vacation and I can see a lost spark brighten up my eyes and a youthful bounce adorning my gait!

Once I decided to celebrate this vacation,I rang up my friend M, who is my working companion and co founder of our Art Academy. Decision of conducting a workshop for kids was taken in unison and the remaining few days were set apart in planning our fun days. We got a few calls from parents who were willing to send their kids home ..
Having a couple of kids at home would surely increase the fun quotient and excitement.

We started getting more enquiries about our workshop and excitement and responsibilities also grew.. By the time we started our workshop, our crew members had increased from a handful to a good 21.

Time just flew and we started enjoying every minute of our workshop. We started our days with prayers and helped kids work in buddy groups consisting of different age groups. Everyday was filled with dance, games and activities which ranged from crafts to cooking.

It was a joy to see them enjoy, to see the spark in their eyes which was so contagious.
Have you ever felt so full inside your heart that you don't need a reason to smile?
Have you ever felt so light inside your being that you are not embarrassed to jump up in joy ....

That was our state those few days ....



Today as I was waiting for my kids from school, two boys came zooming in their bicycles.. shouting "aunty .aunty ...".. with sparks in their eyes and smile on their faces...They were two members of our workshop...
It was great to just be their friend and listen to their unending chatter....
may be I should stop being a mother and just be a friend.......

to see more of our workshop click 2009-09-29">here.

During our times ..........!!

"During our times....it was much different ...!"
Hey! Do I sound like an old grandma? But, I am not ... and I am already using the above quote more than often. The other day I heard myself uttering these to a group of women in our apartment who were seriously discussing about the way they groom their kids .... and these words do slip out my mouth around our dining table once as we were reminiscing our childhood days ...

Have I already stepped into the next generation so soon? Or has the time lapsed so soon?

School admissions were never a hot topic of discussion among our parents when we were young. We were admitted into a school close to home. And we just grew along with the flow .... today parenting has taken a different turn altogether. After hunting for a suitable school for my kids for a whole year in a metro city, I could see changes in me ....My thoughts always hovered around schools, admissions and our kids future.. I joined many online groups which discussed schools and I was lured into more and more confusion. My spare time was set apart to visit schools ...When some schools were ready to take in my kids, the fees was too exorbitant: some schools were so crowded that each class room was packed with around 45 kids and each grade had divisions from A to I ... (a good way for the pre schoolers to learn their alphabets!). Many schools just did not respond: many schools had vacancies but were only moved by the sight of US dollars ....

Queue during admissions outside a school

My elder one was admitted to an "international" school last year ... as it was the only school willing to take him in when we returned from US midway during the school term - we thought of trying our luck next year in a better and "normal" school . I had a narrow escape from a severe heart attack when I visited his school for paying the term fees, two months ago. After paying the term fees the person on the counter requested me politely:
"Madam, this year you will have to pay extra for the school essentials..."
She handed over a slip to me which gave details of 2nd standard school essentials .. which included books, pencils,scale,erasers,crayons and a few work sheets for the year...
At the end of the slip was a figure which I tried to decipher.... My heart missed a beat and I leaned on to the counter ....
"Please pay the amount at the cash counter before collecting his books ..." I heard her say ....

I slowly walked towards the cash counter and enquired... "are all the parents OK with this school essential fee ...?"

The lady at the counter just stared back at me as if I was from some other planet ....

[Can any of you guess how much I payed for "school essentials" alone for a 2nd grade child?]

My helplessness, shock and prayers were all answered a week later when I got a call from another school - my kids got through the evaluation tests and were enrolled for vacancies in 2nd grade and Lower KG respectively. It was so sudden and no less than a miracle .. I feel relieved and relaxed now after a whole year of anxiety ....

When I heard my friend's story of her kid's school admission, I knew that it was a blessing indeed to get admissions for both into a normal reputed school in the middle of the year.
My friend, "B" was 4 months pregnant when she was dragged into a "reputed" school by a relative for booking a seat 3 years in advance. She told me that she felt so stupid to be sitting in front of the school officials and asking for a school admission for a child who was not yet born. The school officials jotted down her due date and calculated the year of admission and after much thought said, "Sorry ! your child is wait listed!... we will let you know if a vacancy arises !"
She did not feel stupid any more.... After three years .. the school expanded adding two more sections to their primary wing and thus her son got admission into the school!!.

"During our times ........it was much different.....!!!!!