As I Stare...

As I stare…

“Who are you?” I ask myself, glaring at the mirror on the wall

“Who are you?” I ask myself, combing my hair, letting it fall…

Searching those eyes, I line them black

Probing that face, I deck with MAC

My cell phone blinks, it’s time to go

Gazing , waving , she stares back…

As I stride…

Down the corridor,  in the lane,  on the street…

Some give a passing glance,  some stare,  some smile…

Carefully careless,  amazingly aware less,  mindfully mind less...

She walks by…

As I sit…

Amidst the throng, among the horde, in the crowd…

Greeting, pleasing, exchanging…

I pause awhile, to meet myself…

She smiles, engaging!

As I stand…

To express, to deliver, to translate…

Thoughts, words, deeds drift by…

I am just a channel I realize…

Tune in… and she flows by!

My Life's Song

I’ve embarked on a voyage
My quest, my life’s song …
With a heart of gold: with fear untold
With a face of a warrior, strong!

I pledge to cross the ocean
Not to look back, once I’m on
Undeterred, Engaged and Focused,
For this is where I belong!

The vastness above, the depth below
Luring, Inviting, Exciting!
“I’m inspired already”, I say,
For this, I was waiting!

As time flies and mysteries untie
Oh! Hurdles, unsurpassing,
I look around; I look beyond…
“Am I lost?” I keep asking

I stand alone, amidst the Blue
My journey incomplete
My vision blurred, my mind disturbed,
With innumerable doubts, replete

“Was this my quest?” I dare to ask,
“Was this my Life‘s song?
I close my eyes and ask myself,
“Is this where I belong?”

No pats, hugs or thumbs ups,
No futile hopes to cling on…
A void from within, tells me….
“Don’t give up, Move on!”

Not knowing where I go…
My quest is once more on
With conquered fear, and restored faith,
No regrets of days bygone!

Today was yesterday’s future,
To this future let me belong,
I’ve embarked on a voyage,
My quest, my life’s song

Mother to a Friend...

Kids will be at home for nine days now ! How to keep them occupied ...? How to channelize their energy in the right direction so that they do not end up glued to the idiot box and by the end of the day are drained of all their positive thinking faculties?...

The only way was to transform myself- keep aside the role of a mother ... be a child again ...and that was exactly what I did this Navaratri vacation and I can see a lost spark brighten up my eyes and a youthful bounce adorning my gait!

Once I decided to celebrate this vacation,I rang up my friend M, who is my working companion and co founder of our Art Academy. Decision of conducting a workshop for kids was taken in unison and the remaining few days were set apart in planning our fun days. We got a few calls from parents who were willing to send their kids home ..
Having a couple of kids at home would surely increase the fun quotient and excitement.

We started getting more enquiries about our workshop and excitement and responsibilities also grew.. By the time we started our workshop, our crew members had increased from a handful to a good 21.

Time just flew and we started enjoying every minute of our workshop. We started our days with prayers and helped kids work in buddy groups consisting of different age groups. Everyday was filled with dance, games and activities which ranged from crafts to cooking.

It was a joy to see them enjoy, to see the spark in their eyes which was so contagious.
Have you ever felt so full inside your heart that you don't need a reason to smile?
Have you ever felt so light inside your being that you are not embarrassed to jump up in joy ....

That was our state those few days ....



Today as I was waiting for my kids from school, two boys came zooming in their bicycles.. shouting "aunty .aunty ...".. with sparks in their eyes and smile on their faces...They were two members of our workshop...
It was great to just be their friend and listen to their unending chatter....
may be I should stop being a mother and just be a friend.......

to see more of our workshop click 2009-09-29">here.

During our times ..........!!

"During our times....it was much different ...!"
Hey! Do I sound like an old grandma? But, I am not ... and I am already using the above quote more than often. The other day I heard myself uttering these to a group of women in our apartment who were seriously discussing about the way they groom their kids .... and these words do slip out my mouth around our dining table once as we were reminiscing our childhood days ...

Have I already stepped into the next generation so soon? Or has the time lapsed so soon?

School admissions were never a hot topic of discussion among our parents when we were young. We were admitted into a school close to home. And we just grew along with the flow .... today parenting has taken a different turn altogether. After hunting for a suitable school for my kids for a whole year in a metro city, I could see changes in me ....My thoughts always hovered around schools, admissions and our kids future.. I joined many online groups which discussed schools and I was lured into more and more confusion. My spare time was set apart to visit schools ...When some schools were ready to take in my kids, the fees was too exorbitant: some schools were so crowded that each class room was packed with around 45 kids and each grade had divisions from A to I ... (a good way for the pre schoolers to learn their alphabets!). Many schools just did not respond: many schools had vacancies but were only moved by the sight of US dollars ....

Queue during admissions outside a school

My elder one was admitted to an "international" school last year ... as it was the only school willing to take him in when we returned from US midway during the school term - we thought of trying our luck next year in a better and "normal" school . I had a narrow escape from a severe heart attack when I visited his school for paying the term fees, two months ago. After paying the term fees the person on the counter requested me politely:
"Madam, this year you will have to pay extra for the school essentials..."
She handed over a slip to me which gave details of 2nd standard school essentials .. which included books, pencils,scale,erasers,crayons and a few work sheets for the year...
At the end of the slip was a figure which I tried to decipher.... My heart missed a beat and I leaned on to the counter ....
"Please pay the amount at the cash counter before collecting his books ..." I heard her say ....

I slowly walked towards the cash counter and enquired... "are all the parents OK with this school essential fee ...?"

The lady at the counter just stared back at me as if I was from some other planet ....

[Can any of you guess how much I payed for "school essentials" alone for a 2nd grade child?]

My helplessness, shock and prayers were all answered a week later when I got a call from another school - my kids got through the evaluation tests and were enrolled for vacancies in 2nd grade and Lower KG respectively. It was so sudden and no less than a miracle .. I feel relieved and relaxed now after a whole year of anxiety ....

When I heard my friend's story of her kid's school admission, I knew that it was a blessing indeed to get admissions for both into a normal reputed school in the middle of the year.
My friend, "B" was 4 months pregnant when she was dragged into a "reputed" school by a relative for booking a seat 3 years in advance. She told me that she felt so stupid to be sitting in front of the school officials and asking for a school admission for a child who was not yet born. The school officials jotted down her due date and calculated the year of admission and after much thought said, "Sorry ! your child is wait listed!... we will let you know if a vacancy arises !"
She did not feel stupid any more.... After three years .. the school expanded adding two more sections to their primary wing and thus her son got admission into the school!!.

"During our times ........it was much different.....!!!!!

"Travel Impressions" blog merged

My first blog was titled "travel Impressions" - http://travelimpressions.blogspot.com/. Always wanted to merge that one with this blog and at long last have done so. All "travel impressions" posts are also available in "My Online Sojourn" now.

Prayer heals!

I look at my hands and I can hear them begging to me..." stop it please... do not abuse us so much"... I open my vaseline jelly and apply it on my palms to make them feel better .
Earlier my hands used to smell of masalas, spices or incense, but for the past one week they are smelling only of dettol.
This is not the story of just my palms ....
My home smells of dettol and lizol ; I have already exhausted this month's usual quota of all disinfectant floor cleaners, toilet cleaners and even hand washes.I have stacked up my cupboard with enough of medical soaps. Our medicine cabinets have been updated with surgical spirits and many homeo medicines.My kids smell of dettol or eucalyptus oil.I even gave off a bottle of Lizol to the maid who comes to sweep the corridors of our apartment complex . I have agreed to sponsor dettol hand wash to my kids school.

Do not mistake this for a marketing portal for disinfectants .... what then?

Yes , you guessed it right ! Something is terribly wrong with me! When I am trying to make hand washing our home culture I just feel like Lady Macbeth trying to wash away the imaginary blood from her hands always in a state of hallucination. When I am always in the look out for a sneeze or running nose from my two little boys I feel insane.I used to take things so lightly . Never have I rushed my kids to doctors for a small rise in temperature , a cough or cold. But today my heart beats faster each time I think of my kids away from me in school...... ... are they washing their hands... with soap? Are they digging their noses , or biting their nails ?

I am after all a mother ....!!!

The scare of the pandemic H1N1 virus spreading like wild fire globally, the heat of its virulent flames burning life's of people close to our residence....just sprouted fear is many of us ...A month or so ago , I remember reading about this viral infection called swine flu affecting life's of people in Pune... but then I read it like any other news and never thought twice about it ....Today I feel ashamed !!!
Why am I feeling connected when it comes only to people close to me? Last few days were also days of reflection and introspection.With a baggage of thoughts dancing in my head I just sat down to check what I felt about the whole situation.

The answer I got was fear! Yes! I was overwhelmed with fear....! Fear of death , fear of the unknown , fear of future , fear of anticipation , fear of loss , fear of the unexpected...
I was imagining the worst , I was trying to live in the future "ifs". I had just forgotten the beauty of the present ... and the moment I realized this, prayer arose ! I could send prayers to not just my near and dear ... the spectrum of it embraced humanity as a whole !

Along with all the precautions we are taking to control the spread of this pandemic , the aura of our deep consciousness should expand ....!!! Prayer heals ....

An on the road saga - part 6: after a hiatus!

Many a times I had an intense urge to continue blogging and I would even make up my mind and sit in front of my lap top. The long break I took, was posing a starting trouble and every time, I would just procrastinate and distance blogging to the further most priorities. I got a couple of mails from some of my readers, motivating me to continue writing and my dear husband PP would be always after me to start pursuing my hobby (a good relief from my nagging!)...
But most importantly, all these months I missed out on a lot ... the bond I shared with my virtual friends ....! The joy of having friends who closely follow your blog was felt most when a month back I bumped onto one such very dear blog pal in a newly opened restaurant. I still treasure the moment when we both recognized each other ... two individuals who became friends through the blog sphere!......Both of us couldn't hide our joy on this unexpected encounter...and that did convince me to restart my blogs.

Before I write on anything new, I have to quickly wind up a series I started long back "An on the road Saga"............

"This is just ridiculous... how can you drive without a state license?...
Meet me at the police station before 4 in the evening with the state license", saying this he just marched away...

I tried to keep a brave face when the officer in front of me spoke these words ....Holding back my tears I dailed my husband's number with my fumbling fingers...The sighs on the other end of the phone made me more pale .....After dropping my son to school I went directly to the Secreatary of State office to give my written test. But I was rejected even the chance of attempting the test on the pretext that my husband's name in the passport did not match with the name in our marriage certificate.The expanding of the initials in front of his name .. the name had become too long that it did not fill in the visa page in the passport ....that they just ignored the end part of the name which was the real name in the marriage certificate.
confusing right?........
Sure to be remanded in jail in a foreign country ,with a heart full of prayer and helplessness I entered the police station, only to be greeted with a warm smile .....The officer was kind to me and understood the situation and asked me to speed up the process immediately before venturing on the roads.....The next few weeks was tough in getting the bank accounts and electricity and telephone bills in my name so that I could get a license without the fuss about the marriage certificate . After passing the initial written test ,I was waived off the 30 days wait to take the operator's license due to my Indian license. The day I got the Michigan license was a day of celebration for my family and friends ... I drove on the roads with an extra pride and confidence ,,, still the alarm in my head went on whenever I saw a police car in the vicinity.
This joy also did not last long .... A sudden news , of my husband's project coming to a closure and a sudden re location to India , selling off our road companions ,,,in no time we found our selves at home in Chennai.....I still , look at my Michigan State Operator's license... to make sure that all the tensions I went through was not a dream.
In India my on the road saga continues ....we don't own a car yet .... but we travel as a family in our 2 two wheelers... its fun and thrilling for the kids too ...to fight over which scooter they would ride .... who is the first to reach the destination ......! Our Indian roads , which add much spice and adventure to the drives... our on the road saga continues.....................!!!