40...Is not just a number!!!

It is 24^th June once again and I complete 40 years…. There are umpteen things I am grateful for!!!, for what life has offered me. Jotting down 40 thoughts that just came spontaneously, for which am ever grateful!!!

• 1.       My loving parents- who make me feel secure
• 2.       My life partner- who makes me feel special
• 3.       My first born- who makes me feel blessed
• 4.       My younger son- who makes me feel loved
• 5.       My brother- who makes me feel proud
• 6.       My best friend- who makes me feel myself
• 7.       Friends in my growing up years- who were reflection of my own self
• 8.       Friends from around the world- who added more colour and meaning to my life
• 9.       My cousins and relatives – who teach be the value of family bonding
• 10.   My girls at Udavum karangal- who teach me the power of touch and the necessity to express
• 11.   Books- they speak my own thoughts and teach me life lessons
• 12.   Music-  takes me places
• 13.   Travel-gives me taste of freedom
• 14.   Forgiveness-  helps me let go and embrace freedom
• 15.   Driving- which instills in me a sense of direction
• 16.   Dance- takes me one step closer to myself
• 17.   Yoga- an answer to many questions
• 18.   Moments of silence, reflection, introspection
• 19.   Elation I experience from creative ideas and choreographies
• 20.   Hot food on my table after an exhaustive day
• 21.   Foot massage after a day of hard work
• 22.   A pat, a hug and a cuddle from a loved one
• 23.   My teachers from my kindergarten to today who are forever giving
• 24.   People who help me clean my home, my car and workplace- they make me a better person
• 25.   All my students who look up to me- they add purpose to my life
• 26.   My phone – which is an extension of my hand today
• 27.   Poetry- which are spontaneous expressions of my soul
• 28.   My institution- which is my charging station
• 29.   Dairy milk fruit and nut- after lunch… yum!!!
• 30.   Early mornings before anyone is up—it’s my me time
• 31.   AC in hot Chennai summers
• 32.   Unrestricted laughter and freedom I relish with a few
• 33.   Acts of kindness
• 34.   Smiles from strangers
• 35.   Sudden drizzles and walk in the rain
• 36.   My dancing bells
• 37.   My fingers on the strings of the veena
• 38.   Sunrise and chirping of birds
• 39.   Starry nights
• 40.   My spirit of youth

God is still working on her!

You must already have read on my cousin Pratibha, about whom I once wrote in one of my previous posts. This time I would like to repost it.She has achieved something this month which is for sure an inspiration to all of us. It reminds us on the infinite potential hidden in each one of us.This month she did her Arangetram, which lasted for 1 1/2 hours on stage.Arangetram is a graduation ceremony and a defining moment in a dancer's life.Read more on Pratibha and what she has to teach us......


As the Macro cosmic Omnipresence rejuvenates into the microcosmic creations ,
as Nature replays itself in its myriad forms,
as the first ever flower receives its first sunshine and enlightens the plant,
as the first reptile soars up in the sky freeing itself from the fetters of the gravitational pull tasting freedom,
as the carbon transforms into a diamond, the precious gem:
Consciousness unravels itself !!!

While Nature is still at its play creating and recreating, its flora, its fauna and its infinite variety of creatures,we do fumble upon mutations. Yes,mutations,that are still full of Nature`s artistry yet having a pronounced difference. Yes,different in form but still an embodiment and expression of Nature. Yes,different because of a surplus or lack of the building block,the chromosome.

Let me share with you this real life story of a gift of Nature,who is different and who is special. I am fortunate to have her as my dear cousin. I still remember the day she was born, when my uncle walked into our house with a beaming face of a proud father. I remember peering into her tiny little eyes, when I was a little scared yet wanting to hold her feather like body. She grew up in a warm atmosphere surrounded by love and affection. Her tiny legs refused to take her first step even at the age of three,her mouth unable to produce audible meaningful sounds! I witnessed the silent pain endured by her parents and the whole family .... They were unable to accept that they were blessed with a special bud, which will also bloom in its own special way. She was diagnosed by doctors of various disciplines, and she also accepted alternative therapies.... She slowly started to walk,started to talk....
I still remember clearly,the way she snuggled in my lap and stared at my face trying to decipher the sounds that I produced ...the way she swayed her body to any melodious music!

But time passed,she grew into adulthood, yet untouched by its complexities. Those legs which once refused to walk slowly took rhythmic steps of classical dance. The perfection and grace she rendered would not be measured according to regular standards , but still she danced,she danced before audiences without inhibitions. Her in born talents today unravel when she cooks,stitches ,memorizes phone numbers!

The child in her still alive : still frustrated on missing out something about the adult hood,She is God's rare creation, He still working on her. Don't we also yearn for the innocence and heart of a child,faded away or buried in our process of attaining maturity? Like the consciousness which is ever flowing in all the
creations, in you and in me and in all that we see around,the same inherent consciousness is latent in my cousin and all the special gifts of Nature too. Let us not read each others labels but rather look beyond it,to read something divine and sublime , reflections of our own consciousness.

Watch this vedio of Pratibha's Arangetram!

The only thing that is permanent in life is change!

If we watch carefully at our life we sometimes see a pattern ...of things being repeated constantly!
This is very true in my case. There are two things that keep happening in my life. So what is the inference you gather from this... .It might be a game of Nature to teach us something. Or it might be a reminder for us to change something in our life so that the pattern does not repeat...

Let me tell you what are the things that create patterns in my life.
1. It has to do with my wrist watch. The relation with my watch is always short lived. We are not made for each other. If I can have a smooth relationship with my watch for at least a month it is a miracle. I don't have an answer to why our relationship is always on the verge of breaking...Either , the watch just stops working , or is just not to be found. So what should I learn from this.. just stop using a watch! this is the only answer I can come up with.

2. In the past 8 years I have moved 10 houses , in four different countries. Last two weeks I was busy shifting to a new place , and that is why this late post. The most amazing aspect is that I am always in love with each of my 10 homes...I have enjoyed making each house into a home only to leave it and enter into a totally new environment.And what do I learn from this pattern in my life which has granted me varied experiences.
1). That the only thing that is permanent in life is change.
2). And to never accumulate baggage along the way. Live light , so that you can have a comfortable life. May be this is true with the journey called life itself. Never carry with you grievances or hatred, that your journey becomes a pain.
3).Always accept help.You will discover some wonderful friends along the way ,who can make your journey smooth. Let me thank my dear friends who have given me their time and love and helped make my moves enjoyable.

Monday mornings.........................

It is Monday today. So what is so special? .. you may ask..just that it comes after Sunday.Sunday is the day I unwind, its a day I do not consider the clock, a day I walk past the kitchen counter , without stopping to wipe clean, a day I sit down and sip my coffee without bending to pick up the toys....
I would root myself with a book I picked from the library....and even when the day closes, I would be hooked on to the book ....way into the night. Turning the last page of the book , I would glance at the clock only to see that, I have already stepped into Monday.

6.30 am Monday

PP tickles my feet , trying to wake me up. Through the narrow gap I managed to open , fighting my heavy eye lids, I see him ready for office , waving bye. "Its 6.30 " he whispers trying not to wake the sleeping kids.
" Just 5 more minutes...." I mumble and snuggle inside the comforter ......

7.45 am

"Amma....Amma... I am hungry... give me maamam" my younger son is awake . I see the clock and jump up in bed....trying to figure out what all I need to do. I rush to wash my face and run to the kitchen....my son wailing behind me. I lift him up and hoist him in the kitchen counter top ...while ransacking the fridge ....I see batter...and pick up a few fruits ...

7.50am

I cut the fruits for my elder son's snack box . But my younger one keeps having his fill and I give up. I grind chutney simultaneously making baby Dosas for his lunch. I rush to wake up my elder son who is deep in his sleep. "Kanna, wake up dear, you will be late for school.."
" Amma, Amma.... " I hear screams from the kitchen...I run to find him happily grinning at me. sigh!
" I need to get down , and brush my teeth...." I lift him and put him down..then suddenly see that he has bitten on all the Dosas.. and has left only bits and pieces. No bread, no batter... now what to do...?
"Amma, he is spilling water on me?
Amma, he is splashing water all over the toilet....
Amma he is using the brush to comb his hair............................................................."
I rush to the toilet......pour out all my energy "%$%$^&^&^**(*%^%^%^&^&#@##%$%^^&^&^%^%%%^&..........................."
things seem to calm down....

8.00a.m
my elder one is in th shower... while I have hoisted the younger one in the kitchen with wheat flour.. while i rolled out chapathi... three chapathi rolls with chutney are ready for his lunch box...

8.03a.m
Rush to my son to dress him up ... with thermals , and layers of clothing to fight the severe winter.

8.05 am
" Kanna , say your prayers and I"ll prepare your breakfast" I say
"Can I have scrambled eggs and fruit loops?" he asks...

8.07 am
"Amma, fruit loops , scrambled eggs... i want: yelled the younger one

8.08 am
As they eat their breakfast, I put on socks and boots on the elder one. .. jacket , gloves , hat all ready in hand.

8.15am
I wave good bye to him as the school bus leaves for school.


I know I have already lost enough calories for the day....and looking at my messy kitchen, unmade bed , heap of laundry and a play room where I would like to see a sign "detour" ..I sit down ....and what comes to my mind is the picture of the fierce looking Goddess Kali , with numerous hands, the embodiment of power... ,Mother! I realize that was what I was a few minutes back....how else could i have accomplished all this so soon? I think of my mother who had to rush to her job at 7.30 after juggling with her home and kids on Monday mornings...I hear her words resonating in my ears...which she often told when ever I found fault or argued with her.." You will only understand when you are a Mother!"

When he came..............

PP brought him home one evening. The minute he stepped into my household I could notice his magnetic presence attracting everyone's attention. When we finally sat down to have our daily doze of ginger tea and hot snacks with the regular exchange of the day's events , his personality was already casting its spell.

He seemed to have a knack with kids: for they were already on top of him without a moment's hesitation. I too couldn't stop leaving frequent glances in his direction.

All of us readily embraced him as our family and from then on he was my constant companion. I didn't have the heart to leave him behind when I had to run errands or go for a doctor's visit.

His constant companionship opened new vistas in our relationship. I found it hard to hide my feelings for him. He became that perfect friend , I was longing for during my monotonous drives. He had a magic in his voice which was so powerful , that you couldn't help listening.I couldn't help reciprocate his loving presence.

I could drive with ease , without being scorned at ....when my steering wheel turned right instead of left. I felt content to be accepted for who I was .

His presence always boosted my confidence.I no longer had to face the " when will you ever learn" looks nor hear the impatient sighs that emanated from the side seat.

Today is different! When ever I take a wrong turn , his voice is still poised and calm . He just says " re-calculating"!!!

Meet my new friend , who has instilled in me the sense of direction.... he is none other that the global positioning system (GPS)!

"ni" of my Sadhana!

Light diffuses into its myriad colors painting a spectrum....
each hue shining in its might
a rainbow.... a beholder's delight!!

the sight of a rare rainbow sprouts joy, wonder and excitement in almost all of us. Light casts itself into its various colors,with varying frequencies and wavelengths ...!!! each having its individual properties .. yet is only a part of the whole!

We too, in our day to day lives put on various roles...that of a mother , daughter , wife , employee , student and many more....and in the long run start identifying with our roles. We transform ourselves into these roles and just bury our true self, in this role playing.

At one point, I am the wife , never ever tired of nagging ...and then I am the mother, always expecting ... then I am a daughter always demanding .....In all this role playing, I have forgotten to shed the roles and just be me. In the previous posts relating to sadhana ... I had revealed a few facts about myself . Today, when I try to come up with yet another fact, I can just say that I am not just a daughter , wife , mother , dancer , student .....I am something more! I am not just the human, I am also the " being"....and it is that something which makes me whole! Like the VIBGYOR colors, which are beautiful expressions of the same white light ... the roles I play are only expressions of my Being! The Ni of my sadhana is that I am some thing more that I think I am ....the taste of which I have experienced .....only in glimpses ...or split seconds when I have shed my egos unknowingly, when I have forgotten to play my roles!

With this post I conclude my long tag! Thanks to my friend Bharathy, for tagging me ...and helping me launch a quest... I thoroughly enjoyed it! ( I am sure she will never ever dare to tag me in future :) )

Food for thought!!!

Act One ; Scene I

An exhausted mother rushes to feed her baby yelling at the top of her voice!!!
She has prepared the home made baby food.! ..squatting down with her bundle of joy, who is concentrating more on her opera, the young mother now tries to feed her with a spoon. And there! the whole spoonful, is all over her face giving her a free facial.
The yelling baby is distracted by a few musical toys....
mouth wide open in awe and wonder , the mother tactfully pushes spoonfuls of baby food, down the infants throat.

Act One Scene 2

The chubby infant has grown into a naughty toddler...
Its almost lunch time and the mother wonders how her child is surviving without a morsel of food!
The mother switches on a favorite cartoon. the child beams with joy and squats in front of the idiot box, eyes not blinking, glued to the screen.
mouth wide open in awe and wonder, the mother once again tactfully pushes down spoonfuls of meals , down the toddler's throat.

Act Two , Scene 1

Its eight in the morning , and the child is still not up. Mother is anxious ," what if she goes to school on an empty stomach? ". She is at her daughter's bedside with a full glass of milk... and even with out waking the child... the milk is poured down her throat.
Mother's face beams with satisfaction. No more fussing over food in the morning! sigh!....

Act Two , Scene 2

The whole family is having dinner.The daughter is minutely examining the texture and smell of food in front of her
" Have you still not learn t to eat fast?" ....parents simultaneously pounce upon her.She gulps down the remaining food...and leaves the scene!


Act Three, Scene 1

Mother is in kitchen... trying not to waste the left over food stuff and munches any thing and everything she puts her eye on from the plates to the counter tops to the fridge! .....unaware... she is being transformed into a waste bin.

Act Four , Scene 2

The daughter has grown up to be an adult....she has hoisted herself in front of the laptop, on a couch.....her favorite program is running on the television.
Her forever companions( a whole lot of snacks) are loaded beside her. Her mouth , her hands , her ears , her eyes.. all are at work!

Does this ring a bell somewhere?
Have we ever realized or thought about ... the simple act of eating?
Have our taste buds , ever been able to taste food?
Now as we are heading towards busier schedules and strenuous life styles... are we not killing the simple joys of eating!

Take a deep breathe. relax! use all your senses, eat slowly! feel the food in your mouth ...do justice to your taste buds ... enjoy your food..... try it once....!
let this be your meditation.....I am not joking! the mere act of eating can open doors of spirituality for you......I am not going to lecture on spirituality here.. don't worry....
but let this be your food for thought ..." when you eat a banana.. EAT A BANANA.... and when you drink water .. DRINK WATER!"